At one point or other, you have heard or said yourself, “It just has to be perfect.” With the introduction of social media and its curated highlights, the appearance of perfection is the emphasis. Companies selling beauty products to give the perfect skin, builders building the perfect home, books on training the perfect children, and so on. 

We live in a world that offers the continual bombardment of the word “perfect” where everything you say, do, wear, or drive has to meet that standard. Here’s the flaw with perfectionism that the world tries to drill; it is all focused on the outward. The expectation is that the more outward striving, goal-reaching, perfectionist tendencies we lean into, the more inward satisfaction we will achieve. Quantity over quality has become the name of the game. In most circles, how much a person produces or possesses matters more than an individual’s character quality. Being goal-oriented or having a high-performance personality isn’t wrong. What is wrong is when those traits bleed into toxic territory. When the scale used to measure ourselves is what is trending or what others think guides our living, then being a perfectionist becomes problematic. 

The same applies to being in a church community. When the Bible, a life-giving fountain, becomes a list of rules, perfectionism gives way to being a yoke. A Biblical view of being perfect will set you free from perfectionistic struggles. 

What does God think about being perfect? 

First, let’s start with what God knows. He knows we are all sinners. The Bible is clear in Romans 3:23, we all have sinned and fall short. We can exert ourselves with much effort to “try” to appease God and show how perfect we are. If, however, it is apart from the finished work of Jesus, it is just a futile attempt. Those attempts will lead us into bondage, not the freedom we can access. Accepting Jesus’ gift of perfection will free us from the load we carry.  

A Biblical reference to being perfect is verse Matthew 5:48 (NLT):

But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. 

Simply reading this scripture can make you feel so small and exasperated. You, God, and the word perfect in one sentence are enough to overwhelm anyone, let alone someone with a perfectionist mindset. If we dive deeper, according to Bible Hub.com, “to be perfect or is perfect” can be translated as being complete or having reached an end. 

We can now look at this verse differently and be encouraged. In other words, God is complete, so I, too, can be complete because of him. Despite our free will, through God’s perfect Son, Jesus, I don’t have to rely on my strengths or achievements. The verb “to be” implies that we are pursuing, developing, and growing not in our efforts but trusting that the complete God will fashion us in that same way. Becoming Biblically perfect combines maturity in the Christian journey while pursuing our eternal home. Like my former pastor used to say, “It’s not either-or; it’s both and more.” 

God desires that we live in freedom through Jesus, as we see in John 8:36(NIV)-

So if the Son set you free, you will be free indeed.

Here are a few questions to ponder if you struggle with perfectionism:

1) Do I walk in daily freedom? Or do I feel bound no matter what I do? 

2) Am I focused more on external things like appearance or performing over character? 

3) Do I feel ashamed or guilty when I fail or make mistakes? 

These questions are jumping-off points, and you can undoubtedly ask yourself more. Don’t rush the answers. Allow yourself time to reflect on your responses. You may be surprised how many emotions stir when inviting God to examine your heart for perfectionism. You may have already noticed you feel critical, inadequate, or like a failure. Be truthful with yourself! Friend, you aren’t hiding anything from God. By not changing your perfectionist ways, you are only cheating yourself. 

Perfectionism can be toxic, and when it is, it will always cost you something. As a newlywed and new mom, I stressed a lot about people coming to my house. The list of excuses was a mile long: too small, too plain, too cluttered, too this or too that. Do you know what it cost me? It cost me fellowship and developing community. On an internal note, it cost me the blessing of learning to be hospitable. I was wearing my yoke of perfectionism like a Tiffany necklace when it was a chain choking every ounce of freedom Jesus gave me. The price I paid was the exhaustion and rigidity of living under the weight of perfectionistic habits. I heard it once said that perfectionism is a bully. An interesting comment, nonetheless it’s true. The cruelty that awaits any perfectionist if the standards are met is very real. The punishing self-blows to your heart and mind can be relentless and unsettling. I know because I lived this out for years.

When my children were little, I was a homeschooling mom. They had to work on a project with our co-op group. A lady with many children, who I was unfamiliar with, offered her home for our project. Upon entering her foyer, a plaque was hanging on the wall; it read, “If you came to see me, welcome, but if you came to see my house, make an appointment.” Thinking it was funny, I knew that plaque would never be found in my home because no one would be allowed in unless my house was perfect. That day, I was sad for myself and began seeking ways to change. 

One of the ways that the Holy Spirit helped me change my outlook on perfection is by considering my why. Why does it matter to me being a perfectionist? Why does it matter to me what people think? Why am I holding myself to such an unrealistic  high standard? When I sat down and answered these reflective questions and really got down to the root of my perfectionism, I knew relief was on its way.

Here are some additional changes I made that may be helpful to you:

1) Give yourself grace– it may take time, but coming to the knowledge of who you are in Christ and all he has done is the best place to start. As believers, we can never earn what God has given, so why exhaust ourselves into achieving unsustainable merits?  Breathe, rest, and grant yourself grace.

2) Think of others– whenever I felt lacking, I thought of what impact I was making or wasn’t on others. For example, when I refused to invite friends, I learned how it impacted my family. They were missing out, too, due to my insisting on everything being perfect. I noticed that being a blessing was a loss I experienced when perfectionism took over. 

3) Embrace the imperfect– work in progress with this one. By accepting grace for yourself, the objective should be for progress and not perfection.   As previously stated, we are imperfect people because of our sinful nature. We are made perfect through the journey of salvation and sanctification. Having said that, when a mistake occurs or cracks in the armor show, embrace your weaknesses. Lean into the Word, your church community, mentors, and prayer; you will be shocked to see how much it helps.

 

4)Renew your mindset- another one I’m actively working on. Change the “mental tape” that keeps playing. Be alert to what you are listening to and watching that may support the toxic lens of perfectionism. One Bible verse that addresses the need for us to break the pattern is Romans 12:2. If your desire is for transformation, it starts with the renewal of your mind. 

Dear friend, I pray this devotional adds peace and comfort to you. I am thinking and praying for you. Share with a friend if it has blessed you. 

XO,

Katherine